HP Camping Trip!
by AlinaintheSky
Summary: Snape and Lupin's class go on a camping trip in the Dark Forest. Who will they meet in there? Will Lupin ever stop being high? And can the Slyths and Griffs survive each other?
1. Snape's Worst Nightmare

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I only own this idea.  
  
I also want to say that the whole fic, Lupin is acting like he's high. He is like a hippie, and is very absent-minded. VERY absent-minded. Literally. You will see.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dumbledore: Severus, I have called you in here because I have a proposal for you, and I think a wonderful idea.  
  
Snape: Alert the media.  
  
Dumbledore: I have decided that your class take a camping trip. Muggles do so all the time, and find it quite enjoyable.  
  
Snape: Wupdeedoo.  
  
Dumbledore: I have also decided that you take this trip with another class. Preferably, another House.  
  
Snape: *screams*  
  
Dumbledore: Gryffindor.  
  
Snape: *screams longer and louder*  
  
Dumbledore: With Prof. Lupin.  
  
Lupin: *enters through door* Hello, everyone!  
  
Snape: *screams even longer and louder and puts hands up to face*  
  
Lupin: I say, what a lovely office! *pokes painting of a fat old Headmistress.  
  
Dumbledore: Stop that! Now, just because I feel like it, and because I want to show our readers a good time, *looks over and winks at readers*  
  
Liss: Ah, dude, that's not going to get me to like you any better.  
  
Dumbledore: *hangs head* Anyway, I have chosen Severus's class with Draco Malfoy and Remus's with Harry Potter. I said, stop!  
  
Lupin: *poking Fawkes in the eye*  
  
Random reader: Uh, shouldn't we help Fawkes?  
  
Dumbledore: Nah, he can take care of himself.  
  
Fawkes: *tries to gouge out Lupin's eye and misses* *instead flies on his head and starts pecking at his face*  
  
Snape: *points* Ha ha!  
  
Dumbledore: I want you both to go tell your classes and get them ready for the trip. It will be on Thursday in the Dark Forest.  
  
Snape: But sir, are you sure? I mean, the Dark Forest---  
  
Dumbledore: *loudly* I said, 'the Dark Forest'.  
  
Snape: *sighs*  
  
Lupin: *laughs for no reason at all*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Snape: I'm sorry to inform you, class, that we will be attending a class camping trip on Thursday.  
  
Random Slytherin: Why are you sorry, Professor?  
  
Snape: We will be going with another team.  
  
Class: *screams*  
  
Snape: Gryffindor.  
  
Class: *screams louder and longer*  
  
Snape: Prof. Lupin's class.  
  
Class: *screams even louder and longer and all put hands to face*  
  
Snape: (like an overacting actor) *sniff* I know. But we have to be strong. *sniff sniff* And class, I don't know how to tell you this, but, *deep breath* Harry Potter will be in that class.  
  
Class: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lupin: *wanders into classroom filled with patiently waiting students* Oh, hello.  
  
Class: Hello Prof.  
  
Hermione: *kindly* Did you get lost again? *helps him to his desk* No, no Professor, that pen isn't a toy. *takes pen away*  
  
Lupin: *lip trembles and eyes water* But I want my penny! Give me my penny! Waaaaaah!  
  
Hermione: *sighs and gives him back the pen*  
  
Lupin: *cheerful again* Penny! Oh, how I missed you so! *hugs and makes out with pen, getting black all over his face* *suddenly remembers what Prof. Dumbledore told him* Class, I have wonderful news! We are going on a camping trip!  
  
Class: YA--- What the hell is that?  
  
Lupin: *thinks for a minute* You know, I honestly don't know......  
  
Class: *under breath* Big surprise.  
  
Hermione: A camping trip is a trip in which one goes to a foreign or familiar area and stays there for one night or more, esp. for pleasure---  
  
Class: Spare us the dictionary explanation. Just tell us the short version.  
  
Lavender Brown: Wow. She even talks with dictionary abbreviations. (esp.)  
  
Hermione: *annoyed* We go into the woods and spend a night there.  
  
Class: WUPEE!  
  
Harry: This'll be the best time ever!  
  
Dean Thomas: I can't wait!  
  
Ron: Nothing could ruin this now!  
  
Lupin: Oh, I forgot. The Slytherins are coming, too.  
  
Class: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Liss: Well? Did you like it? Please review and tell me your thoughts or any suggestions you may have. And, if you want, I might let two or three of you guys get a cameo. Just tell me. But it's a first come, first serve basis. So please review! 


	2. Starting Off

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I do own this idea. So don't you dare take it!!!  
  
Liss: I'll have dementors posted all over your house if you do! Ha ha ha ha ha *cough* ha ha! *pause* Okay, story time!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lupin: Class, isn't this fun?  
  
Class: *sarcastic* Oh yeah. Woohoo.  
  
Hermione: I wonder where the Slytherins are.  
  
Ron: Why? Do you love them? You just love everyone, don't you, Hermione? Don't you?!  
  
Hermione: Um.....what are you talking about?  
  
Ron: Oh, don't act like you don't know! *looks away with fake tears in eyes, like an overacting actor*  
  
Harry: Uh, Professor, shouldn't we put up the tents now?  
  
Lupin: *mesmorized by an earthworm* *drools*  
  
Parvati: Ew! That is so gross! *jumps into Harry's arms like Scooby Doo does to Shaggy* Relp!  
  
Harry: Did you just say, "Relp"?  
  
Parvarti: *gets down quickly* N-No. *muttering* The doctor said no one would notice!  
  
Lavender: Oh, bunny! I miss you so! Buuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyy!  
  
Lupin: Okay, class, now, it says here that we are supposed to, um...  
  
Hermione: Professor, you're holding it upside down. Here, let me help you. *takes instruction sheet from Lupin and shows him how to read it right*  
  
Ron: You are so loose, you scarlet woman!  
  
Hermione: *slaps Ron* My, that felt good! *slaps him over and over and over and over....*  
  
Harry: Hermione, stop! *grabs Hermione's hands*  
  
Ron: *wiping blood away from mouth* So YOU'RE in on her, too, eh?!  
  
Harry: Here, let me help you, Hermione. *helps Hermione slap Ron over and over and over*  
  
Random Gryffindor: Hey, there they are!  
  
Snape: *comes out of bushes followed by his class* Let's get this over with.  
  
Draco: Here, let me help you, Mudblood. *walks over and helps Hermione and Harry slap Ron*  
  
Snape: Well, as long as people are hurting each other. *pounces on Lupin and punches him in the face over and over again*  
  
Slytherins: Aawaawaabaawaabaawaa! *warhoop like Indians and rush on unsuspecting Gryffindors*  
  
Gryffindors: Aaaah! *get ambushed by Slytherins*  
  
Dumbledore: *pops out of nowhere* Hey! Stop! *a Slytherin is biting a Gryffindor's leg; a Gryffindor is sitting on someone's head and his face is scrunched up, so you can guess what he's doing; Draco has Harry in a headlock; Hermione is torturing Ron with her wand, and has a sickening grin on her face*  
  
Dumbledore: I said, STOP!  
  
Everyone: *stops*  
  
Dumbledore: Now, please behave yourself. Here is the schedule: First, you will go on a nature hike. Then you will come back and report your findings. After that, you will have dinner and have free time. Then you shall sleep at 10:00 precisely. Do you understand?  
  
Snape: *nods*  
  
Lupin: Duuuuuuuuuuh.*drools*  
  
Dumbledore: *looks worriedly over at Lupin and shakes his head* *mutters* Dropped on his head too many times. Okay, class, I will be Disapparating now. Goodbye.  
  
Hermione: Uh, Professor, I thought you couldn't Disapparate on Hogwarts grounds.  
  
Dumbledore: *stares for a second* Uh.you can't, of course. heh heh heh..bye! *Disapparates*  
  
Snape: Let's make this more interesting. The group that identifies the least number of things has to do whatever the other group decides for them to do. Sound like a deal, Lupin?  
  
Lupin: Yes, I WOULD like some cookies, Grandma.  
  
Snape: Okay then. We'll divide into two groups. Well, what do you know, we already are! Bye! *he and Slytherins exit*  
  
Hermione: Okay, let's get started! *pulls out notepad and pencil* Forward, MARCH! *marches like a soldier into the woods*  
  
Everyone: *follows, reluctantly. One is dragging Lupin, who's eyes are following a butterfly like it was the most amazing thing in the world*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Liss: Okay, I know that this chapter wasn't that funny, but believe me, it will get better! Please review! 


	3. The Evil Creatures of Doom! aka cute lit...

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. And Lindz owns herself, mind you. Sheesh, I haven't even tried to own her. Do you know how hard she hits? *massages shoulder* Heh heh...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hermione: Who's going to be the person who'll write down what we see?  
  
All: Uh...  
  
Hermione: Ok, it'll be me then! YAY! I am *trumpets sound* the Keeper of the Notes! Da, da da DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
  
All: Riiiiight.  
  
Hermione: Ah, I see this is a fern plant. *writes it down*  
  
Harry: Hey Hermione, what's that? *points to something*  
  
Hermione: *peers through binoculars* It looks like a yellow-bellied sapsucker.  
  
Ron: I know I am, but what are you?!  
  
Lavender: What's that?! *points to something in the bushes*  
  
Creature: *stalks out*  
  
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!  
  
Lupin: Ah, right on time for our tea party. More sugar?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Snape: *sticks out tongue in concentration as he writes on his notepad* Ant...Ant-headed beetle...armadillo...  
  
Random Slytherin (RS) #1: Uh, professor? Isn't writing exactly from the book cheating?  
  
Linz: Ah, stop being a baby. *punches the Slytherin in the face*  
  
Draco: Yeah. *punches the Slytherin too*  
  
-they both beat up the Slytherin-  
  
Snape: Save your strength for the Gryffindors. Thought you won't need too much...  
  
Slytherins: *snicker snicker*  
  
Draco: Hey, you know, you're not all that bad...  
  
Linz: *stares at him*  
  
Draco: Um...yeah. *walks away before she hurts him*  
  
Snape: Read me the next thing.  
  
RS #2: Uh...band-legged fruit beetle.  
  
Snape: Beeeaaaauuuutiful.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Back with the Gryffindors...  
  
All: AAAAAAAAAAHHH!  
  
Bane: That's right! Cower in fear, puny humans!  
  
Lavender: Aw, a cute little horsey! *runs up and hugs him*  
  
Bane: Ah! I'm not a horse! I'm a centaur! A mean and vicious centaur! Bwaaaaahhh!  
  
Lavender: I want a ride!  
  
Parvati: I want one too!  
  
Random Gryffindor (RG) #1: Me too!  
  
RG #2: Me three!  
  
All: *rush up and hug them*  
  
Centaurs: GET OFF US!  
  
All: Oh, come on. You know you want to give us a ride.  
  
Centaurs: *exchange glances*  
  
-ten minutes later-  
  
All: Wheeee!  
  
Centaurs: YAY! *all centaurs are riding around, bucking, with two or three Gryffs on their backs*  
  
Hermione: Well, thank you for the rides, but we really must be going now. We need to find as much plant and animal life as we can, so we can make the Slytherins our slaves!  
  
Ron: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd just LOVE Malfoy to be your personal slave!  
  
Harry: Ron, its old now. Give it a rest! The only reason your all upset with her is because-  
  
Hermione: You know you like me and you're jealous of Viktor!  
  
Harry: Uh...sorry, Hermione, you're way off. He likes Krum, not you.  
  
Hermione and Ron: WHAT??!!  
  
Dean: It's true.  
  
Seamus: Yep.  
  
Hermione and Ron: WHAT???!!!  
  
Parvati: Oooooh...*giggles* *leans over and gossips to Lavender*  
  
Lavender: *giggles*  
  
Both: *singing* Ron is gaaaay! Ron is gaaaay!  
  
Ron: NO I'M NOT!  
  
Lavender and Parvati: *giggle*  
  
Lupin: Oooh, I wanna giggle too! *leans in with Lavender and Parvati and giggles too*  
  
Hermione and Harry: *slap their foreheads*  
  
Ron: I'M NOT GAY!!!!  
  
Harry: We should get a move-on.  
  
Centaurs: Ooooh! We can help we can help!  
  
Dean: *leans into Seamus* What's with all the 'ooh's?  
  
Seamus: *shrugs*  
  
Magorian: We'll take you for a tour of the forest on our backs! We know all the good places!  
  
Gryffs: Ok! *each grab a centaur and ride on its back*  
  
-they ride off into the forest-  
  
-random giggling is heard-  
  
Ron: *voice rings out from the trees* I AM NOT GAY!  
  
Lupin: *giggles* I feel pretty.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Snape: Ok, well, since we have everything written down from the book, I think it's best we enjoy the sights. *they all look around slowly for a few seconds* Ok, let's set up camp. *waves wand* *five person tents appear and one big one*  
  
Everyone: *goes into the tents*  
  
Pansy: *grabs Draco* Let's go!  
  
Snape: NO CO-ED TENTS! We don't want to be disgusting, like some *other* people who will remain nameless...*cough Gryffindors cough*  
  
Lindz: Ha ha!  
  
Draco: Phew! *grimaces at Pansy, who points to her tent and smiles seductively. Unfortunately, her seductive smile is so nasty that it would be a mortal sin to write it here*  
  
Snape: Let's relax until the high-and-mighty return. *goes into his big tent* *all go into tents and relax*  
  
-unbeknownst to them, something lurked in the distant shadows...-  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Liss: Didja like it so far??? I hope it was funnier than the last, though not likely. I'm trying though, I really am! And I have a few good ideas in mind for later...that is, if you review enough and stick around. *hint hint* 


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